If Only
by kitykat17
Summary: a killer terrorizes Seattle Grace and the hospital is put on lock down. Who will survive, and who will go free? MerDer, Addisex Burktina O'Callie
1. Chapter 1

If only you had another minute  
just another moment  
for a smile  
a hug  
if only you could say that  
youre sorry  
I"ll miss you  
I love you  
if only you had the chance  
to say goodbye  
how would you say it?

they sat on the floor, arms around their knees, staring off, not saying much.fear was stopping them from thinking anything else. fear that frightened them so much that it paralyzed them. because you dont know.  
if only you could have said somrthing.  
because you just dont know.

that morning started as normal as it ever was. Meredith and Izzie sat at the table, drinking their usual morning coffee, just like everyday, not aware of what would be happening 12 hours from now.

"We should get going," Meredith said, standing up and pouring her half cup of coffee down the sink.

"Yeah," Izzie agreed,doing the same. "nothing better in the morning than having Bailey on our case."

They arrived at the hospital just as George and Callie did. George ignored Izzie, said "Hi Meredith," and led the way in, Callie looking over her shoulder at them.

Izzie sighed. "He'll speak to you again," Meredith sais optimistically.

"Yeah."

"So, "Alex said, staninding infront of the desk at which Addison was sitting at."Got any surgeries schedueled for today?"

"Not until this afternoon," Addison said, not looking up at him.

"Well make sure you page me when your ready," Alex said.

"I'll do that." Addison looked up at him and gave him a faint smile. he grinned back and walked away. Addison continued with her work.

"Meredith."

"Hey," she said, closing her locker door.

"Did you hear who we're getting today?" Cristina said excitedly.

"No," Meredith said.

"Some like crazy guy," Cristina said, following her out of the room. "He's been in jail for like 20 years. I guess he killed a few people."

"We're gonna have some psycho serial killer in the hospital?" Meredith said, raising her eyebrows.

"Yep," Cristina said. Meredith grinned and shook her head.

"oh come on, you have to think this is sort of intersting!"

"It is," Meredith said. "And I'm in. I'm gonna go find Derek."

"Whatever," Cristina said, dissapointed.

"When the patient gets here,"the Chief explained to Burke, "he'll obviously have extra security. so make sure everyone stays out of their way."

"Will do, Chief," Burke said. "And Chief!" he added as he turned away. "are you sure about it?"  
I mean-"

"I've made my descision," Richard said.

"Did you here about the crazy guy we're getting?" Meredith asked Derek as he looked at some labs.

"The killer?" DErek said. "Yeah, I guess he's gonna be guarded and everything."

"Yeah. Cristina's excited about it."

"Of course she is, she's Cristina. Has she-um-talked about Burke at all?"

"Cristina doesn't talk about those kind of things," Meredith said. "She acts like nothing happened. Like Burke never happened."

"He's the same way," Derek said.

"I hope that never happens to us," Meredith sais sadly.

"It won't," Derek assured her.

"How do you know?"

"Because I know things," he sais with a smile and walked away. she laughed.

"Dr. Bailey," Cristina said, tagging along behind her.

"What is it Yang?" Bailey said boredly.

"I was wondering if I could get on that sugery today, with that Cane Meurtrier-"

"I thought I assigned you to ortho today."

"Well yeah, but-"

"Then go."

"But Dr. Bailey-"

"When I said go, that means no," Bailey snapped. "Now get out of my way, I'm busy."

Cristina shut her mouth angrily. D. Bailey walked past her and didn't look back.

"You Can't ignore her forever George-"

"I said wwe werent going to talk about this," George said firmly, not looking at her.

"George-"

"Meredith please, drop it."

"Grey!O'Malley! Youre coming with me," Dr. Bailey said, walking past them.

They followed behind her, Meredith looking sideways at George, but he ignored her.

"Now listen to me," Bailey said as they syopped. "This patient is guarded and restrained. You are to treat him as any other patient, and make sure you do not let anything he says get to you."

"Okay," Mer and George said, looking slightly nervous."What-?"

Meredith stopped.

"I killed them all, I did, and I wouldnt undo it.Oh, if only I could get out of here and do the same to you..."

They came around the corner. he was in a bed, indeed restrained, two guards following behind him.

"Lets get on with it," Bailey said.

"Hey."

Mark turned around. "Hey," he said back as Izzie stood next to him. "You with me today?"

"I am," she said.

"Good," he said, with his McSteamy grin. "We should have fun."

"Yeah," Izzie said. "So what should I do?"

"You can go get those labs for me," he said thoughtfully.

"Then I'll do that."

"I should be in on that surgery," Cristina sais dully. "They dont even want in on it!"

"Ortho not good enough for you?" Callie asked.

"Today? No."

Callie sighed. "Well you'll have to live with it. Now take these down for me."

"You know I'd love it if you let me out of here! I'll be good, I promise."

"Be quiet," the guard said without looking in the room.

"I'll teach you to be quiet!" Meurtrier said, struggling against his bindings.

"Sure you will."

Meurtrier looked around the room. He had to get out. This could be his only chance.

He stopped. A mad grin came across his face.

"This guy creeps me out," Mer said as they went to check on their patient.

"Well he's a murderer, of course he creeps you out," George said as they came around the corner. He stopped. 

"What?" Mer asked.

"Arent there supposed to be guards outside the door?"

Meredith lokked. She led the way to the door. she stopped so suddenly that George walked into her.

"Oh my-"

the bed was empty. One of the guards was laying not moving on the floor. the other one was nowhere to be seen.

"What is it?" Dr Bailey said, coming to the room with 2 guards behind her.

"He's gone," Meredith said, waiting in the hall.

"What do you mean-?"

A couple of nurses came out of the room, bringing with them the lifeless guard.

"He killed one of them, I dont know where the other-"

"When did this happen?"

"I dont know, it couldnt have been that long ago-"

"we have to lock down the hospital," the guard said.

"What?"

"Is anyone in this room?"

"Just George-"

"Fine." Bailey and Meredith were shoved in the room with a shocked George.

"youre not leving this room till we find him"

And he shut the door.


	2. Chapter 2

If only part 2

"We have to."

"You're locking down the hospital."

"Yes."

"But-"

"Listen," the officer said. "This man is a danger and we cant let him get away. Plenty of us will be in here, and right now we're locking everyone else up for their safety."

"This is-" Richard started.

"What needs to be done," the officer said firmly. "It'll be over in no time."

"The surgery will be an hour from now," Addison replied to Alex as they stood in the clinic. "You can go up there now if-"

Suddenly, to their surprise, an officer came into the room. The patient and his wife on the other side of the room looked at him frighteningly.

"Has anyone came in this room?" was the officer's hello.

"Can you be more specific?" Addison asked.

"In the last half hour," the officer said.

"Me," said Alex.

"Anyone else?" the officer asked impatiently.

"No," Addison said.

"You're sure?"

"I've been here," Addison said. "Why? What's going on?"

"We're locking you down."

"What?"

"You must not leave this room and do not let anyone come in. Do you understand?"

"What's going on?" Addison demanded.

"We have a crazy serial killer on the loose."

And he slammed the door without another word.

"Still jealous you didn't get in on that case?" Callie asked Cristina as they sat on the floor of the empty OR.

"Not really," Cristina said.

"I'm so glad he didn't get George," Callie said, staring at the ceiling. "Imagine if George had been in there?"

Cristina didn't reply. Callie sighed. "We didn't even get to start," she said, trying to keep conversation; the quiet wasn't comforting. "I hope we won't be in here long."

"Yeah," Cristina said.

Derek and Burke sat opposite each other. They were quiet. Derek watched out the window as police walked up and down the halls.

"Can you believe it?" Mark said. Derek groaned. "I mean, seriously? With-"

"Can't you just shut up for five minutes?" Derek said impatiently.

"No," Mark said. "It's no fun if it's quiet."

"This isn't fun at all," Burke said.

"Of all the people," Derek sighed.

"Come on, a serial killer is loose," Mark said. "You can't just sit and be quiet."

"Yes, you can," Derek said.

"Fine." Mark sat down. There was a few moments silence.

"Isn't there anything-?"

"Can't we throw him out?" Derek asked Burke. Burke grinned.

"I wonder where everyone else is," Meredith said as she sat next to George on the floor.

"Locked up," Bailey said.

"I don't like being here," George said. "This is ridiculous. They can't keep us-"

"They can and they have," Bailey said. "Now quit your complaining. We may be here a while and I don't want to hear complaining the whole time."

"How do they even know he's in the hospital?" Meredith asked quickly.

"They don't. Now be quiet."

"Just stay in here," the officer said hastily. "We'll get you out as soon as we can."

"But-" He shoved Izzie into the empty exam room.

"Don't make this difficult," he said, closing the door.

"Don't close the door on me!" Izzie said, but he did anyway. She sighed impatiently and turned around.

"Great," she said. "All by myself." She sighed again. This happened way to quickly in her opinion. She sat down on the floor. All alone.

But she wasn't.

At first it seemed an empty room. Then she heard something and looked up. She saw a gun in her face.

"listen to me and listen to me well, and this can be very simple," Cane Meurtrier said with a grin.


	3. Chapter 3

Before we start I would like to thank all of you who have been reading and reviewing! this is my first fanfic, so I'm doing the best I can. I hope you continue to follow along and enjoy the rest of the story. Thanks again!!

If only Part 3

If you were to come into the hospital now, you could barely call it a hospital. The halls were not full of patients or doctors but policemen, armed and ready. People were watching out their windows, their only view of what was really happening, and when it was going to end. Waiting for it to end.

"So the patient," Alex said to Addison as they sat in the quiet and quite empty clinic. "The one we're supposed to be operating on. Will she be all right?"

"It's nothing that can't wait a couple hours," she said.

"But what if we're not here for a couple hours?" Alex said. "We could be here longer."

"I really doubt we will," Addison said. "There are policemen all around this hospital. Its locked down. There's nowhere he can go. It won't take long. Plus, he's outnumbered. He won't get away much longer."

"I guess so," Alex said, hoping she was right, though something told him she wasn't.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, lost in thought. Alex spoke up, figuring talking would make this easier.

"The man over there," Alex said, looking over at the patient across the room. "What is he in for?"

"Some test I think," Addison said absently. "Nothing too big."

"Oh." Alex thought for something else to say.

"So… do you know anything about this Meurtrier guy?"

"Not really," Addison said. "I wasn't here when he was on the streets."

"True," Alex said, feeling rather stupid. Forcing conversation was harder than he thought.

"I do know he went a while without getting caught," Addison said thoughtfully. "Guess he was pretty clever."

"He obviously still is," Alex pointed out.

"We still haven't found anything," an officer told the Chief. "We've been looking everywhere, but we're missing him-"

"Of course you are," the Chief said impatiently. "I have a hospital to run, people to take care of-"

"I understand that sir-"

"I'm not so sure that you do," the Chief said. "I bet you that he's not even in this hospital, that you're wasting your time here. I mean, why wouldn't he have ran out right away?"

"We're just trying to be safe here," the officer said firmly. "But there is a good chance he is here, so "I'm sorry, but we have to do this."

"You better not be wasting our time," the Chief said.

"I'm not."

The officer left, slamming the door behind him.

"I want you to sit down on the floor. _Sit down._"

Izzie slid down to the floor, not taking her eyes off him. She was still trying to register what was happening.

"Good," Meurtrier said, lowering his gun. " You're going to sit there and not move unless I tell you you can. Okay? I said _okay?_"

"Okay," Izzie said shakily.

"All right then," he said. "Let's see…."

"Do you think they found him yet?" Meredith asked.

"I don't know," Bailey said. "They'll tell us when they do. Just be patient about it. It won't do you any good wondering about it."

Meredith closed the subject. She looked at George, who was quiet.

"What're you thinking?" she asked.

"Nothing," he said, not looking at her. But for some reason he felt that they weren't going to get out of this easily.

"I hope they catch this guy before he can hurt anyone else," Callie said to Cristina. "I mean he could be anywhere, and they won't tell us anything."

"Yeah," Cristina said for what felt like the millionth time, wishing Callie would shut up.

"I wonder what George is thinking right now," Callie said. She looked sideways at Cristina. "Are you wondering about Burke?"

"Will you just shut up," Cristina said in an annoyed tone.

Callie looked away. "Fine."

Cristina sighed. She was thinking about Burke. Wondering if she-no, if _they_- had made a mistake.

Derek looked out the window, watching the police go by.

"It doesn't look like it's going well," he said, judging by the looks on their faces.

"He's a clever man," Burke said. "A clever _determined_ man."

"So we'll be in here a while," Mark said.

"God, I hope not," Derek said. He sat down at the table. He looked at Burke.

"Why'd you propose to Cristina?" he asked.

"Why do you ask?" Burke said, not planning on answering the question.

"Because," he said carefully, " because I've been thinking about it myself. But I don't know."

Burke observed him. "You'll know," he said. "You'll know when you're there."

"What if I'm wrong?" Derek said.

"Then you are."

"I wouldn't take advice from him," Mark said. "He isn't the best example."

"Now I just need a plan," Meurtrier said, pacing back and forth. "But we'll have to be real careful, we can't afford mistakes". He stopped. "How many of them were out there?"

"I don't know," Izzie said quietly.

"I think you do," he said. "How many were out there?"

He pulled out the gun again.

"A few," Izzie said, not looking at him.

"I want a _number_."

"There were probably- three," Izzie said, not knowing if that were true or not; how can you think when someone was pointing a gun at you?

"All right," he said. "This is what we're going to do. You are going to call a guard in here. Then, I will take him out. You will only say and do what I say, or you'll join him. Do you understand?"

"Yes," Izzie said quietly.

"Good," he said. "Now lets get going."

Meredith, George, and Bailey sat quietly, not knowing what was happening in the room just above them. Bailey was looking outside, wondering when she'd make it home to her family. Meredith sat on the floor, arms around her knees. And George still couldn't shake off the feeling that something was going to go wrong, that there was a chance that they were not going to walk out of here.

"Is anybody out there?" Izzie called. "Can someone please come in here? Hello?"

There was silence, and Izzie figures they were ignoring her. But then she heard someone come up.

"What do you want?"

"Can-can you come in here for just a moment?"

"Why?"

"Just come in here!"

The man came in.

"What do you want?"

He fell to the ground. Meurtrier stood there smiling, having hit him from behind. He took the officer's gun.

"How many are out there?"

Izzie peered out the door. "There's someone at the end of the hall."

"Call him in."

Izzie looked at him.

"You can't be serious."

"I am." 

She reluctantly did what she was told. He repeated his surprise attack, making Izzie feel like crying. It was basically her doing this too.

"Now lets go," Meurtrier said.

"But-"

"I know what I'm doing, and if you don't go right now I'll leave you with them. Go."

They left the room. The silent.

"Go. Do not stop until I tell you."

Back down in the room Meredith and George and Bailey were in, they continued to sit in silence. Only until a knock came at the door.

Izzie waited, and almost fainted when she saw Meredith's face.


	4. Chapter 4

Again I'd like to thank all of you who have read&reviewed. There will hopefully only be 2 more parts after this one, so I hope you keep with me and enjoy what's to come!

If Only part 4

Meredith looked surprised to see Izzie standing there.

"Iz-" she started, but Izzie cut her off by saying, "Can you let me in?"

Bailey came to the window. "What are you doing out there?"

"I don't have time for this," Meurtrier whispered.

"Can you just let me in," Izzie said impatiently. "There's a crazy guy out here somewhere."

Meurtrier looked at her but didn't say anything. After a moment's hesitation, the door opened.

"I'm so sorry about this," Izzie said quietly.

"About-"

"In," Meurtrier said firmly. Bailey and Meredith backed away. George stood up. Meurtrier shut the door.

"Okay," he said to the room. "I'll say this again. Do what I say and this will be easy."

He faced George, Meredith, and Bailey, who all looked extremely shocked and frightened. "You three, over there, against that wall. _Move_."

They did as they were told. He turned to Izzie.

"And you, over here," he said, referring to the wall opposite the others. Izzie sat down without protest.

"Okay," Meurtrier said. "Okay."

"I bet you George is freaking out," Callie said to Cristina after a while of silence. "He's really impatient."

"Aren't we all," Cristina said.

Callie looked in front of her. "Why do all of you have such a problem with me?"

"I don't know what you mean," Cristina said without looking at her.

"Yes, you do," Callie said. "You all do. What did I do? I mean, seriously? Care about your friend? That's so horrible?"

"No," Cristina said impatiently. Callie waited for her to say something else. Cristina noticed this and said, "I don't know. I don't even know you."

Callie waited for a moment. "Why does Izzie seem so keen to hate me?"

Cristina sighed. "Maybe because she's jealous. Maybe she thinks you took George away from her."

"But I didn't!" Callie said.

"Yeah," Cristina said again. Callie stared at her then looked away.

The room had been silent for some time. Of course it was Mark that broke the silence.

"So why did you and Yang break it off?"

"That really isn't your business," Burke said firmly.

"Well if Derek here is asking you for advice-"

"That is between Cristina and I," Burke said.

But at that moment he really couldn't think why they had called everything off. Because of her? Of him? Because of nothing? Who knew. All he could think of at that moment was that if they all made through this fine, that that would be a reason enough that they were wrong. They both were wrong.

"I'm going to do it," Derek said suddenly. "I'm crazy if I don't."

"Yes," Burke said. "You should."

_He_ should.

"I used to think that I wanted to go into plastics," Alex said to Addison. "But…I don't know. For some reason it doesn't appeal to me as much anymore."

"Well there's a lot out there," Addison said. "Do you have any idea what else you'd like to do?"

She smiled at him. He grinned back.

"No," he said simply.

She looked away from him. I can't wait to get out of here," she sighed. "This has been taking way to long. They should know we _do_ have patients here."

"I'm sure they're doing their best," Alex said. "He won't get away for too long."

He looked at her. "Besides," he grinned, " if there's anyone I'd like to be stuck in a room while some psycho serial killer is roaming the halls, it'd be you."

She smiled and even blushed slightly.

"That's nice of you to say."

"It's true."

"Isn't there anyone else you're worried about?"

Meurtrier paced back and forth in front of them. Izzie avoided eye contact with the others.

"So there's two more floors," Meurtier said. "All the exits will be guarded, so we'll have to find the one that will be the easiest to get past."

"You make it sound so easy," Izzie said.

George, Meredith, and Bailey looked at her, rather surprised, as though they couldn't believe that she had spoken to him.

"I've done this before," Meurtrier said. "Trust me, I know what I'm doing."

"You better hope so," George said.

Meurtrier turned around sharply. "Did I tell you you could say anything?"

"I-" George started, but Izzie cut him off.

"Don't listen to him. He doesn't know what he's saying."

"Trying to be brave, are you?" Meurtrier said to George, stopping in front of him. "Did I tell you that you could speak? Answer me, yes or no."

"Don't-" Izzie said.

"No," George said quietly.

"Do you know what I do to people that don't listen to me?" Meurtrier said. George said nothing.

"Leave him alone," Izzie said, standing up. "I told you-"

"Sit down," Meurtrier said to her, pulling out his gun.

"No," Izzie said.

He turned around. "What?"

"You're not going to get out of this," Izzie said firmly. "I don't know why you're wasting your time."

He stared at her. So did the others.

"Izzie-" Bailey said.

"You know I liked you, right?" he said to Izzie. "But I'm afraid to say that you're right." He pulled out the other gun he took.

"You," he said to George. " Stand up."

George did so, slowly. Meurtrier dragged him and threw him on the ground in front of Izzie.

"Take this," he told Izzie, handing her the gun. She stared at him "Take it. _Now_."

He held the other up to George. Izzie did as she was told.

"Now here's what we're going to do," Meurtrier said. " and you will do exactly what I say and nothing else."


	5. Chapter 5

This will be the last chapter of the actual lock up situation. This chapter proved to be difficult to write, so I hope you all enjoy my final version. It will determine who will and won't walk out at the end of the day, if you haven't figured it out already. Next chapter will be the final, so enjoy the end (or you may not.) thank you !

If only part 5

"Here's what you're going to do," Meurtrier said in a calm voice, as though he did this everyday. Meredith and Bailey were watching, not moving. George had his eyes closed.

Izzie looked at Meurtrier and no one else. "You're going to take that gun, and put it to your head."

Izzie stared at him.

"We're going to have to start searching the rooms," one officer said to the Chief. "There's a chance he could be hiding with someone else."

"You wait until now to do that?" the chief said impatiently.

The officer ignored that. "We're going to start with the rooms."

"Good," the Chief said as the officer slammed the door behind him. "About time."

The chief sighed. He could only imagine what could happen if Cane Meurtrier really was hiding with someone. He didn't _want _to imagine it.

"What?" Izzie said in disbelief.

"You heard what I said," Meurtier said, not moving the gun away from George. "You're going to take that gun, and put it to your head. And then-"

"You can't be serious," Bailey said, knowing he was.

"Shut up," he said, not turning to look at her. "If either of you do or say anything, you'll get your turn."

Meredith and Bailey said nothing.

"As I was saying," Meurtrier continued, staring straight into Izzie's eyes. "You will do nothing else with that gun. You will only put it up to your head, and I will start to count down, starting with ten. If you do not pull that trigger by the time I get to one, I will kill your buddy here instead."

"I should be in the OR right now," Addison said, not knowing that they wouldn't be waiting much longer.

"Tell me about it," Alex sighed. "I don't think I've ever hated this hospital as much as I do right now."

Addison laughed. "I can agree," she said. He smiled back at her. They simply looked at each other for what seemed like ages. Then, they came closer together, and closer-

Someone burst in the room. Addison and Alex jumped and looked around. A couple officers had come into the clinic and were now roaming around it, looking in every crack and corner.

"What are you doing?" Addison said in surprise.

"We've been given orders to search all the rooms," one of the officers told them without giving them a glance.

"So you've made no progress," Alex said. The officer glared at him.

"Well that's what you're saying," Alex shrugged. Addison couldn't help but to smile.

"When you become a police officer, you can talk down to us," the officer said coldly. "Until then-"

A sudden loud sound made him stop. A few seconds later more sound exploded.

"So you're letting us out now?" Callie said to the officer as he searched the room.

"No," he said flatly. "I'll tell you when I'm letting you out."

"What, in another five hours?" Cristina said. The officer ignored her.

"Nothing in here," he said, leaving the room.

"Really?" Cristina called after him. "I could have told you that!"

"You haven't found anything?" Derek asked the officer desperately.

"Not that I've heard," he replied. "But I assure you it can't be that much longer."

"I have a hard time believing that," Burke said.

"I think there's a good chance he's hiding out in the rooms," the officer said. "I tell you when we hear anything."

He didn't need to tell them.

Izzie continued to stare at Meurtrier. He smiled.

For the first time in weeks George's and Izzie's eyes met. It was like everything else melted away and it was just them. George didn't know what to say or how to feel. She looked so scared and confused. Understanding came between them.

"Izzie," George said pleadingly. "You can't do this."

She said nothing. She looked at the gun in her hand. She couldn't do it. But what choice did she have?

Izzie raised the gun. She heard Meredith gasp. George said "Izzie-" but she shook her head. She said quietly, so neither Bailey nor Meredith heard, "Just close your eyes."

"Ten," Meutrier said loudly. "Nine…let's go now…."

Izzie took a deep breath. She heard the numbers count down. If this is what this whole thing led up to, if this was what was supposed to happen, she wasn't going to let it without a fight.

"Eight…seven…getting closer," Meurtrier announced. "Six…."

George looked at Izzie and saw she was serious. Reluctantly, knowing he'd never get her face out of his mind, George closed his eyes.

"Four," Meurtrier said, and George could tell he was getting impatient. "Three…almost there…."

The chaos started. A loud bang sounded in George's ears. But it didn't come from in front of him. At first he though that Izzie hadn't been able to do it and this was the last second of his life. But nothing happened. The gun Meurtrier had held to him was no longer there. Meredith screamed. George didn't move or open his eyes.

The door burst open and hit the wall. Someone said his name and pulled him out of the way. More gunshots exploded in his ears. Then it stopped. Everything was silent, a silent George didn't like.

He finally opened his eyes. Dr. Bailey had pulled him out of harm's way. Meredith was in the corner wit her hands over her face. Bailey was looking past him. Reluctantly, George turned around.


	6. Chapter 6

Finally, this is the end! I thank all of you who have read this story, you're the reason I kept going! I hope you'll review one last time, even if you want to say you hated it. So I hope you've enjoyed the story, and I can't wait to hear from you, so I can write more in the future. Thank you!! Katy

If Only part six-conclusion

She stopped. He did too.

"You're going-" Cristina said.

"Yes," Burke said, continuing his way to the ER. Cristina followed him.

"Do you know anything?" she asked hurriedly.

"I know I don't have a lot of time."

Cristina nodded but didn't say anything. They continued on their way in silence.

"Meredith."

She turned around Derek stood there. He gathered her in his arms.

"Are you okay?" he asked gently.

"I'm fine," Meredith said quietly.

He looked down at her. "Everything's gonna be fine."

She nodded, which was all she was able to do.

Derek said, before he could stop himself, "I want to marry you."

She stared at him. He sighed. "I'm sorry, I just- I didn't mean-"

Burke and Cristina passed them. Meredith gave Derek a surprised look again, then followed the others. Derek followed her.

"What happened?" Cristina asked Meredith.

Meredith shook her head. "I'll tell you later."

They reached the ER. George and Alex were already there. Meredith, Cristina, and Derek stopped. Burke glanced at them, and then went into the room.

"Do you want me to go in there?" Derek asked.

Meredith hesitated, and then nodded. Derek gave her a kiss on the forehead, then went into the room after Burke.

Meredith and Cristina sat down next to Alex and George on the, floor in a row against the wall. At first they sat in silence, too afraid to talk. Because, you just don't know.

"It's horrible," Callie said to Addison, watching George from a distance. "I hope she'll be alright."

Addison didn't say anything. Callie sighed.

"I should go see George," Callie said, and went to walk away, but Addison stopped her.

"Don't," she said. "Not yet."

Callie looked at her, then gave in and nodded.

"So the shooter?" she asked.

"They got him," Addison said. "H won't be escaping or killing ever again."

Callie looked at George. "He got off easy," she said. "After all he did, I say killing him isn't doing any good."

"I suppose," Addison said. "But they had no choice."

"If she doesn't make it through," Callie started, but didn't finish.

"With injuries like hers?" Addison said. "I-"

"Okay," Callie said, not wanting to hear it. They fell silent.

"This isn't good," Burke said examining the chest x-ray and vitals. "If we don't get in there now-"

The monitor started going crazy.

"We're losing her," Bailey said quickly. "Dr. Burke-"

"So what happened?" Cristina asked Meredith again.

Meredith took a deep breath and started to explain it to Cristina and Alex. George took no part in the story telling. He sat quietly, not paying attention to anything. When Mer got to the part of Meurtrier's ultimatum, she stopped and looked at George. After a moment he noticed this.

"Um-" Meredith said awkwardly.

"Go ahead," he said in an icy voice. "Tell them."

"George," Meredith said sadly. "I know you want to blame yourself, but-"

"Don't," he said. "Just go ahead and tell them how she got shot because of me."

"It wasn't because of you!" Mer said desperately. "He did it, only him."

"You weren't staring in her face," George said. "You didn't have to see it in her eyes,

hear her tell her to cover my eyes, because she didn't want me to see her die."

No one said anything. George didn't care. He didn't care about anything but Izzie.

"If only the police would have come in just a minute sooner," Meredith said.

"Yeah," George said with a laugh. "But 'if only' doesn't mean anything."

The whole team stood silently in the room. No one looked at each other.

"I'll go," the Chief said.

"No," Bailey said. "I'm going to do it."

She took a deep breath and walked out of the room. They all watched her go.

"It was-" Meredith started, but stopped abruptly. Some one was finally coming out of the room. It was Dr. Bailey.

They stood up. At first Dr. Bailey didn't look at them. She couldn't do this. But she had to. And it had to be her.

"Dr. Bailey?" Meredith said nervously.

Bailey looked up at them. George took one look at her face and looked at the floor.

Cristina and Burke sat across from each other. They had been sitting in silence for a few minutes.

Burke broke it. "As soon as she came in we knew-"

"I know," Cristina said. "I know."

He nodded. "Are you okay?"

"I'm perfectly fine," she said in an emotionless voice.

He sighed. "It's okay," he said. "We can't be perfect all the time."

She paused. "If I learned anything today," she said, "it's that I can't do this anymore."

"Do what?"

"What we're doing," she said impatiently. "You and I. I can't do this."

"Me neither," he said.

They fell into silence again.

Meredith and Derek sat next to each other. She had her head on his shoulder. He waited for her to say something.

She felt as though this whole day had been a dream. Everything had happened so fast, even though while it was happening it was painfully slow. There was no way any of it could be real. It just _couldn't_.

"I want it too," she said suddenly.

"What?"

"I know this is wrong and inappropriate timing, but I do." She looked at him. "I want to marry you."

They just looked at each other.

"Hey," Addison said as Alex passed her. He stopped and turned around. "Are you okay?"

He looked at her as though he had never met her.

"No," he said angrily. "I'm not okay."

"I'm sorry," Addison said, angry at herself. "I didn't mean to-"

"I know you didn't," he said. "But-"

He seemed to be looking for the right words to say, but couldn't find them.

"I just need to go," he said, and turned around and walked away.

She watched him go, wishing there was something she could do, knowing there wasn't.

Callie saw him standing at the end of the hallway. She hesitated, then walked forwards.

"George?" she said, cautiously.

He didn't do or say anything.

"George," Callie said again, putting her hand on his shoulder. He shrugged it off.

"I'm-" she started, but he said, " Why does every one keep saying that? It's driving me crazy. You didn't do anything."

Callie had no idea what to say to him. He still didn't face her.

"I wish I could know why," he said. "Why does this keep on happening? I mean seriously, what did I do that was so horrible?"

"You didn't do anything," Callie said firmly.

"Yeah," he said. "I just lost my dad. And now-"

He took a deep breath. He finally turned around. The look on his face was enough to make her heart break.

"What do I do?" he said, tears filling his eyes. He looked at the floor. She put her arms around him.

"I don't know what to do," he said, his voice breaking.

They stood there for a long time, not knowing what else to do.

Even if you could say goodbye

Could you sat it?


End file.
